so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
