he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
