Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
