i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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