So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
