Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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