don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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