I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize