Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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