My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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