I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
