But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
