i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
