Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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