I want to walk on stilts...naked
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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