i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
