i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
