she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
