Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
