I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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