After last night, I could never be a politician.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
