8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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