Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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