He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize