i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
