I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
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