if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
