She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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