Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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