honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
