Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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