My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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