hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
