I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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