yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
