You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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