I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
