Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
