ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
