I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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