She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize