So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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