That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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