So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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