i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
