he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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