she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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