Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
