Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
