white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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