my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
