When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
