there's paper in my vomit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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