WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
