I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
