Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
