and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
