i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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