Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
