Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize