New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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