The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
