I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
