but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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