Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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