i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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