if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
