Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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