so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
