u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
