there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
