Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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