oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
