He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You need Xanax blowdarts
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
