If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
