Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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