thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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