My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
