Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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