Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
