ya dads aren't the best wingmen
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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