my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
