Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
