Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
What a dumb baby whore.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
