Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
