I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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