It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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