eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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