You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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