You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Boobs speak an international language.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
