i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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