Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Houston, we have a squirter
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
