i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
