dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
