kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
